Stupid Toys Roundup

Dumbest Toys of 2017

I’m just OK in the momming department so I always let my kids go down every toy isle at places like Target or Toys R Us. I already know I’m raising spoiled and entitled children…so theres really nothing to lose. Plus its fun to see what has changed in the world of toys and what has stayed the same. There are toys like Calico Critters, Barbie, And LOL Dolls where, if I’m being honest, I want to buy them all and play right alongside my children….

And then there are those toys that leave me super confused and scared for the future. These are the toys that have me making my ‘WTF’ face:

Mashems/Fashems:

Instantly deducted points for the super stupid name of these. Right out the gate and I already hate you. I have yet to figure out why there are two names for the same awful product. Its basically a rubbery little figure that should be about 25 cents at a vending machine inside a bowling alley. Someone had the genius idea that we haven’t been paying enough for absolute crap…. so they invented Fashems… or Mashems… whatever.

On the plus side they are super duper attractive:

Orbeez:

These are on the list of things I will never buy my children for many, many reasons. I watched a YouTuber play with these. Then I rolled my eyes when she said they were ‘fun’.

You soak these little gel capsules that look like they are from old lady bath sets… then you smash them into little particles to do crafts with. If theres anything moms really love, its products that create things your child will have to keep and cherish forever, and leave strange chemical messes all over your household surfaces. BRAVO Orbeez.

Side note: You can apparently also do this with Orbeez… cause why the hell not?

Easy Bake oven:

I’m sure Β there are people out there that would rip me a new one for putting this on a worst toys list. they would probably say things like “Its an institution!” or “I love making food that doesn’t taste like its meant for human consumption!”. With all the advances in technology I cannot believe this is still manufactured. For some reason cooking things over a lightbulb makes me think of people making meth. I don’t actually know how meth is made… but easy bake oven sounds plausible.

“ruining cake was fun…ruining pizza will be even more fun!”-the people over at easy bake

I remember making a cake and after the first bite realizing how bad it was and that I had to choke it down so I wouldn’t have to admit to my mom she was right about my Easybake oven. Glad to see other kids will get to experience that memory.

Shopkins:

I’m confused. Do these have a goal? Besides the obvious one of separating parents from their money? Bottom line: they creep me out and remind me of something a Japanese businessman would get off on.

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Kelsey

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