So shopping has always been a huge part of my life because I’m a shallow person. Also because I model my life after Cher from clueless… who doesn’t want to be Cher from clueless?! Just me? oh ok… moving on..
Shopping after having kids has become more of a guilt trip than a pleasure cruise. I know I’m not alone on that. In a past life, I never batted an eyelash at four figure handbags…I’m gross and I know this isn’t endearing at all. I regularly gave away items from my closet with tags still attached (see? I’m not so bad after all). Nowadays, if I buy myself a $10 tee from Old Navy I have an existential life crisis. (Note: I still don’t have any filter on spending when it comes to my kids… you lucky little A-holes)
I don’t even know where to begin or how to feel. I don’t even know that I should write about this because keeping this blog fun and lighthearted was the number one goal. Sorry Danielle, I’m here to ruin that.
I’m out a job. But not out a job. Displaced. My job is being forced to relocate. A job I’ve had for close to a decade.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the “pink tax”, where women pay more than men for certain services and products. Particularly annoying examples are dry cleaning and razor blades. Sure, you can buy men’s razors instead, (and I do), but this doesn’t exactly correct the problem. However I didn’t realize how early the pink tax actually starts, until I was perusing Amazon for sippy cups earlier this evening. I present to you, The Baby Pink Tax.
Homemade marshmallows are the easiest and most affordable edible gift. Package them in a mug with hot cocoa mix, and you’ve got the perfect (i.e. cheap) gift for someone that you don’t care enough about to give a real present. (Totally kidding, if you have received this from me and are reading this right now.)
So I wasn’t sure about posting this headband, because it was so big, that it bordered looking a little bit like a weird peony hat. I think it would work better on an older child, or maybe grouped with a couple smaller flowers, but it was still pretty cute.
Facebook is a weird place… Facebook marketplace is an even weirder place. My favorite nap time hobby, besides staring a wall in silence, is texting weird things I find on marketplace to Danielle. However some of these absolute gems need to be shared…
So today’s installment of WTF is all about gifting. After all, it is December. Why go to a nice clean store when you can buy creepy old junk from strangers in a McDonald’s parking lot?!?
“Trust me, its looks EXACTLY like the drawing on this small ripped piece of paper”
Well I now can say I have two years under my belt as a twin mom. Honestly, the first year was the hardest year of my life. Real talk. Strangers approached me all the time and the comment I heard over and over again was something to the effect of “Enjoy this time, they grown up fast”.
PSA: Do NOT say this to parents of twins. We know they grow fast, and we are HOPING TO GOD they will grow faster out of whatever stage is currently causing us extreme life turbulence. Most nights I was lucky if I got more than two hours of sleep at a time. Only peeing once a day from not having the time to stay hydrated was a common occurrence. My teeth were brushed about twice a week (yea yea gross I know). Year one was about survival, not enjoyment.
I am always sleep-deprived. I don’t know why, because my daughter is an excellent sleeper. I could do that whole “sleep when the baby sleeps” thing, but instead I like to spend that time shopping online at Zara. (AKA putting things in my cart and then removing them because I’m not cool enough to wear them or I’m too poor to buy them.) Anyways, lack of sleep is my excuse for this years holiday card.
I’m pretty sure Irish cream might be the drink of choice for sad cat ladies on karaoke night, but it’s alcoholic cream! Who doesn’t like alcohol and cream? Perfect splashed into your mug of coffee to get your day started (kidding), or over ice for a night cap while you binge watch the Gilmore Girls revival (WTF was with the ending?!) It would also be a great Christmas gift for that alcoholic uncle that you don’t know how to shop for. Plus, I like recipes that call for stirring a few ingredients together.
So Christmas time is upon us yet again. Inevitably you will be bombarded with images of perfect decor on Pinterest and Instagram, where ladies of leisure taunt us with their sponsored $900 trees and handmade garlands. Places like Pottery Barn start sending out those catalogs, reminding you that your children might just need their own trees in their rooms (NOT HAPPENING).
Well I’m not Martha, or a celebmommy Instagrammer… But… I’m gonna share my tree tips, because I like you!